Love's Suicide
by Write-name-here
Summary: LJ oneshot:  Then it's a suicide in the name of love.


A/N: what do you get when you have a 2L bottle of iced tea, soft music, and a computer at 2:30 am? random writing like this:

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I'll be your crying shoulder

I'll be love's suicide

I'll be better when I'm older

I'll be the greatest fan of your life

-I'll Be; Edwin McCain

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**LOVE'S SUICIDE**

"Oh God, James," Lily breathed, sobbing quietly onto my shoulder, cradling Harry. "He's here."

I tried to stop the tears from erupting. I didn't want my eyesight to turn into an Impressionist painting. Not now. Not when I needed twenty-twenty vision. Not when I needed to see her clearly, one last time. Needed to smell her green pear fragrance. I burned the image of Lily, my Lily, into my mind. I said nothing, choosing to envelop her in my arms and press my lips against her forehead in a tender kiss. I ran my hand through her silken auburn hair, praying that this wouldn't be the last time I'd lose my fingers in those locks. I slowly moved my lips from her forehead and pressed them against her right temple. I traced tiny butterfly kisses down her jaw line before capturing her soft lips with mine. Salty sweetness met my mouth. Our lips meshed and our tears mingled. I could feel her heart beat erratically against my chest. The kiss, although short-lived, was intense, more passionate than past adventures. It was desperate, clingy, full of desire. The desire to live and love some more. I broke away from the embrace, dissolving the intimate moment, knowing what I had to do. I had to give them time. The rain falling angrily on the roof couldn't drown out my morbid thoughts.

"James… stay. You don't have to be a hero," she pleaded as I gently kissed our only son, our only child.

"I must," I whispered hoarsely, my voice cracking, strained with the intensity of the situation, the weight of my decision coming out through my words. "For you, for Harry."

"It's suicide."

"Then it's a suicide in the name of love."

"This isn't the time to be joking." Her tears were still roaring down her cheeks.

"I'm not…take care, love."

"James!" Her voice was frantic. "Tell me you love me. Say it once last time, before we…," she struggled to put her fear, our fear into words. "Tell me you love me," she repeated helplessly, her emerald green eyes boring into mine.

"I love you." I've never meant it more, never said with so much conviction as I did now. "Lily." My tongue tasted her name one last time.

"I love you t-"

"Alohomora," hissed a sinister voice.

"Lily, take Harry and run!" I tried to make her see sense. "Please…"

She nodded. Holding Harry tight, she fled.

I almost ran with them, forgetting my resolve.

"Well, well, well. What have we here?" The snake-like voice was poison compared to Lily's dulcet tones.

"Expelliarm-"

"Avada Kedavra!" I ducked out of the way, green light whizzing by me. The cabinet behind me burst into splinters. In that moment, I fully comprehended the fact that I was staring Death in the face. The full realization hit me, and left me afraid. Not afraid of death, no. That wasn't it. I was afraid for them. For Lily and Harry, my family, my loves. Afraid for Sirius and Remus and Peter, my brothers. And though I was afraid, I had a job to do. I had to die in order for all of them to live.My life was forfeit for theirs. A bittersweet exchange.

I closed my eyes. _Lily. Harry. _My mind screamed their names as if I was at a rock concert. I was about to die. And suddenly my mind went blissfully blank as a beautiful, divine epiphany graced me. I had reached the epitome of love. Giving my life up for someone else. It had started with a teenage crush and over time, had blossomed into a full, vibrant love. This was everything I had scoffed at. This was real, true, undying love.

In the background, I could hear Voldemort. He was laughing, his voice a tenor and sickeningly velvet.

I wasn't dead yet; I knew I was going to die soon. But I wasn't dead yet. I had to fight him. I had to fight. I stepped out, wand raised.

I'll be brave. I'll be strong. I'll be the better man. I'll be-

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A/N: thanks for the reviews! 


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